


I have the potential to love him (maybe).

by wowsuchtrash



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgive Me, Gay Keith (Voltron), Help, How Do I Tag, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I Made Myself Cry, I Ship It, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 05:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14908943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wowsuchtrash/pseuds/wowsuchtrash
Summary: It was then I realized that I loved Lance. Maybe not in a romantic way. But I loved his quirks. His dumb jokes and flirtatious escapades. His messy room and lousy sense of style. I didn’t love him in a romantic way, not yet, but I believed I had the capability to, and he had the capability to be loved. Then, it was simply platonic — the admiration of him, of his quirks.





	I have the potential to love him (maybe).

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: heavy mentions of self-harm. If you are not comfortable reading, please do not read this. You have been told.

Dinner was too quiet. At first, I didn’t know what it was. Was it the lack of galra ships approaching and setting off the alarms? Was it the returning of Shiro, making the tension thick? Or was it the presence of someone who was missing?

Glancing once more around the table, I couldn’t see him. 

Lance.

“Guys…” I said, drawing everyone’s attention. “Where’s Lance? He’s always at dinner.”

“He hasn’t been out of his room all day, Keith, not even for team bonding. Door locked and everything,” Hunk replied. 

“Hm. Thanks for dinner.” I get up and dispose of my food. As I leave through the doors, I can hear their murmurs behind me. 

I briskly walk through the winding castle halls, until I end up on the seventeenth floor, hall three, room nine.

No, I had not committed this route to memory, and no, I did not often come to check on Lance. Of course I didn’t. Why would I do that?

However, I noticed that as I raised my fist to knock on his door, I was concerned.

“Shit,” I whispered under my breath. 

“Lance! Open up!”

Almost immediately, the lock clicked, and Lance fell into my arms. His head nestled between my neck and shoulder, and tears fell from his eyes down my chest. 

Slowly, I backed him into his room, but he just shoved me against the wall and continued to cry.

As he cried, he gripped at my shirt, my neck, my hair, my jacket, and anything that he could ball in his hands at this time. I let him. We slid to the ground at some point.

As his cried into me, I noticed how dirty his room was. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Plates and cups were stacked on every surface, and his bed was unmade. 

After what seemed like an hour, I worked up the nerve to say, “Lance… we should talk.”

He shook his head, rubbing my neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around my torso. He let out a choked whine, and his sobs shook his body and mine.

“Lance,” I said, firmer this time. “Please.”

He let out another whimper before letting out a strained agreement.

“Go ahead, Lance. I’m listening.”

He took a few deep breaths, which felt warm on my chest, before starting.

“I… I just feel so useless all the time. Li.. like no one appreciates me. Bu- but I do try. I try so hard, Keith. But no one notices me. No one thanks me like they thank you or Pidge or Shiro or even Hunk! They don’t notice how much I try. It… it hurts. And… and I want it to stop.”

It was then when I noticed the towels. Whether that were fabric or paper, they were soaked with blood. And the blades. Razors, knives, and even needles were scattered through the room.

I push him away from my body and grabbed his arms. I pushed up his sleeves — nothing. I unbuttoned his jacket and hitched up his shirt.

And I could never unsee it.

Cuts and scars riddled his torso. His chest, his waist, his hips. Some were fresh. Some could barely be seen, faded light into his tan skin. In the heat of my panic, I pushed his whole form away from mine and checked his legs. They were there too. 

“Lance… how- how could you?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry, Keith! I- I didn’t mean for it to go this far. But it took away the pain… and- and I couldn’t- I couldn’t stop. I’m sorry!”

Tears were now streaming both our faces. We didn’t make eye contact.

“Lance, will you- will you ever stop?” I asked him. 

“I don’t- I don’t know Keith! I don’t know how. It’s just… impulse, I guess.”

Then, he rams me against the wall in a hug, arms wrapping around my waist, legs entangled with mine, head against my chest. 

It was then I realized that I loved Lance. Maybe not in a romantic way. But I loved his quirks. His dumb jokes and flirtatious escapades. His messy room and lousy sense of style. I didn’t love him in a romantic way, not yet, but I believed I had the capability to, and he had the capability to be loved. Then, it was simply platonic — the admiration of him, of his quirks.

“Hey, Lance?” I whispered softly to him.

“Y- yeah?” he responded, sniffling, not looking up.

“I just… want to let you know that…” I paused, processing my words. “...that you’re loved. By me, by the team, by Allura and Coran. Even if your family has no clue if you’re alive or dead, I know that they’ll always love you. And we all appreciate you and your efforts. Even if you’re reckless, arrogant, and put the team in fatal danger, you do everything you can to help. And we love that. We appreciate it. Hell, we probably wouldn’t be alive without you. You were the only one who could pilot Blue, and led us on this epic adventure. Lance… you’re amazing!”

He finally looks up. Slowly, shyly. As soon as our eyes met, I gave the biggest smile I’ve ever given. He smiled back. It was smaller and close-lipped, but sincere.

“Keith… thank you!” He exclaimed suddenly, snaking his arms around my neck and squeezing tightly. “That’s the second nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“What tops this, jackass?” I question.

“Pidge admitting she liked my memes back at the garrison!”

Before I could playfully tackle him, he leapt up and ran out the door. As we chased each other down the twisting halls of the Altean palace, we laughed and shouted. I finally caught up to him at a dead end and knocked him to the floor. We landed in a rather compromising position, yet he pulled me towards him and kissed my cheek. It was warm and short, but sent tingles through my body.

“Keith,” he whispered to me as I lay in top of him. “Just… thanks. I’ll try to stop — no promises — but I’ll try. For you, for the team, and for the good of the universe, I’ll try my damndest.”

As we were sprawled out, limbs intertwined, in the middle of the hall, I was happy. Even if it was for only a moment in this never ending universe and a speck of hope in this raging war, it was real.

**Author's Note:**

> Know that I do not condone self-harm. As a person who has struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, I had trouble writing this. Please seek help if you are thinking about/doing these things.
> 
> Anyway, this was kind of a train-wreck, Please forgive me, haha. This was actually stored in my drive and I realized I hadn't posted it, and even though it is literally shit, I though oh well.


End file.
